Hello. I have a question for you. Have you ever dreamt about writing a book? I have.
I vividly remember attempting to write a book when I was in 4th or 5th grade. I was an avid reader of Nancy Drew mysteries, so my book was obviously going to be a mystery novel. I was also big into historical fiction, especially the Molly WWII set of American Girl books. I decided to write a mystery set in WWII that centered around a young boy figuring out what happened to his brother in the war. In his investigation, he would uncover a government sponsored espionage ring and possibly travel to other countries. I sat down at our computer and began to write. Needless to say, I did not get very far. I had no knowledge of my grand scheme! I was not a boy, I didn’t have a brother, I had never lived in the 1940s, I knew nothing about spies and I was easily distracted.
Despite that failed attempt, the idea of writing something for posterity has always remained in the back of my mind. I don’t think an auto-biography is right for me, as I haven’t done much of note in my life (except for being extremely funny…looking). That leaves a work of fiction. While pondering this, I came up with a great idea. Writing the inside of the book is hard. Writing the outside- that is the easy part! So, I have decided to write what would appear on the dust jacket and leave the inside for later. (Note- I have taken some liberties, as I can only assume future Amanda will accomplish many things in her future.)
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY: (Note- this would appear next to an extremely airbrushed black and white picture of me.) Amanda Brandt is one of the most memorable people to ever have came from the Northwest portion of Kearney, Nebraska. In addition to her near-perfect understanding of the human psyche and ability to make anybody laugh, she also dabbles in the art of magic. Brandt has been nominated for both a Tony and Academy Award. She also has graced the cover of Australian Vogue. Brandt’s foray into the world of writing has fans and critics singing her praises, and she is sure to appear in history books for centuries to come.
PRAISE FOR THE BOOK:
- “Much more entertaining than ‘US Weekly‘”- Jane from Florida
- “This book made me laugh for hours!” – Amy Poehler
- “I laughed, I cried, I ate cheese.”- Tim from Minnesota
- “Why isn’t this lady my best friend?”- NY Times Book Critic
- “I never thought her obnoxiousness could translate into humor on page, but life is full of surprises!”- Theodore Roosevelt (Note- I am assuming time travel will be common by this point in the future.)
- “After reading this book, I have decided to hire Amanda to be the guest host of SNL for the next seven years!”- Lorne Michaels
FORWARD: As many of you know, Amanda and I go back a long ways. We are best friends and confidants. I jokingly say that I have taught her everything she knows, but the opposite is quite true. What an inspiration. This book compiles the best aspects of Ms. Brandt-blonde, hilarious, deep thinker, avid ice cream eater- into what is sure to be a classic book for generations of future peoples. -Tina Fey.
What do you think? Would you buy my book?